Pohatu's Duty
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: A hard mission requires the most formidable hero


Pohatu smiled behind his mask as he took in the full power of the upgrade. The glorious fabric clung tightly to his rocky posterior. It was indeed a time of jovial kinship with his fellow Toa brethren.

He ran into Tahu's house with a full stack of bacon bricks tucked underneath his righteous wing. "Let's get dental!" he said slyly.

Just then, the lamp behind him flickered on. Pohatu turned surprised to see Tahu sitting in the chair would a horrid scorn across his face.

"I thought you'd be back by eleven," said the Toa of Fire.

"I said I'd be back later," said Pohatu.

"I assumed you'd be back later. If you ever came back at all you'd be 'back later'."

Well, I'm back. Okay?" Pohatu turned away and shoved all of the bacon bricks down his gullet.

Tahu turned up the heat, but only with his own power because no one was allowed to touch the thermostat.

Pohatu started sweating and then realised his pants were horribly warm. He felt the sweltering sensation unbearable. "Tahu, cease this temperature rise!" he commanded.

Tahu denied the request and took two forks and dined upon an ice cream cone. He sliced the icy tenderloin with lovely grace and hope.

Onua burst through the door with a raccoon glued to his forehead. "Brothers, I have done an accidental thing," said he.

Tahu examined the raccoon. He used his flames to melt the glue and free the raccoon.

"Most obliged, Tahu," said Onua. He then sat in the corner and wondered why he and Onewa had basically the same name.

"Did you ever try this power?" asked Pohatu. He bent down and picked up a dandelion. He swallowed said dandelion and converted it into angel wings. "See my coolness?"

Tahu got mad and shouted the word "noodles" at the top of his lungs. He then put on his steel-toe boots and slammed Pohatu's jeaned batoot to Bara Magna.

Once there, Pohatu took twelve toothpicks and used them to construct a catapult. He then launched himself back to Tahu and slapped him upside the head with his pet Takea Bruce.

"Well, this is one bad problem…" said Onua. He did wise things with his claws and made the air shimmer like topaz.

Tahu coughed and a jacuzzi popped out of his nose.

Alas, Tahu did not actually have a nose…

Thus, all the chickens that laid eggs upon Mata Nui's shores had to be devoured by the one and only… Lewa.

"A Toa-Hero am I!" said the green wonder yodaly.

"I can't believe my eyes," said Pohatu as he received a warm embrace from ten thousand lightning bugs.

"This is some booty…" mumbled Tahu. He revved up his unicycle and zoomed off to the park where he met the boy band of his dreams.

"Tahu might want those band members all to himself," said Onua with more wisdom than an encyclopaedia about owls eating brains.

"Dartmouth…" growled Pohatu as he thought deeply about how his rear hotcakes were steaming like Richter Belmont's chiseled jawline.

"This is indeed a predicament, fellow gamers," said Lewa as he wrote down seven different ways to pronounce his name, none of which were correct in the slightest.

"Did he beat Lt. Surge yet?" asked Onua with more hunky big brains.

Pohatu nodded, looked at how awesome his pants were, and then sang about tofurkey.

Lewa agreed that the meal would complement the occasion. He took out his electric lute and played his heart out.

Tahu came back with his captive boy band and they did a groovy dance that saved the universe. It was such a hot dance that forced Makuta to drop dead and accept Tahu's abs as the most glorious in the universe.

"By Odin's beard…" whispered Onua with his jar of peanut butter stuck in his left eye hole. "Tahu has awakened his Nova form.

Nova form was like Nuva, but it was more like what Jaller Mahri looked like, but hotter because that stupid lobster wasn't there.

Tahu took his power and crammed it down Makuta's throat. Then he seized the evil one's tongue and used it for Lewa's broken lute string. Lewa was very appreciative.

Pohatu smiled at how defeated Makuta was. "This was the best day to wear these pants," he said proudly. And then he ate a squirrel.

 **THE END**


End file.
